


Worth in Nothingness

by BladesAndSwords



Category: Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-10 02:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladesAndSwords/pseuds/BladesAndSwords
Summary: Trapped in a realm of nothingness, Ardyn continues to battle on.





	1. Entice

He woke up.

Even after death, there was no rest.

That single thought was all that it took for a sense of consciousness to be born. It happened naturally and slowly. At first, he accepted awareness with a neutral heart, the same way he'd always accepted reality after waking from a dream.

Then, without a warning, the feeble awareness transformed into something that was supposed to be lost for good.

_Ardyn._

His name. His identity. Himself.

A flood of memories and thoughts ambushed him. The sense of peacefulness vanished, though it may have never existed at all.

The weight of his new reality crushed him. He tried to go back to his previous state, to the stasis he had enjoyed before his mind decided he needed to remember he still existed.

It was a battle he couldn't win. His mind was out of his control.

Ardyn tried to flee, but there was nowhere he could go.

Was there something to flee from in the first place?

In the nothingness that surrounded him, he couldn't be sure of anything, other than he now existed amidst it. Even his movements were puzzling.

At moments, it felt like he was sinking into an ocean without a deep end.

At others, it felt like he was ascending towards heaven.

Sometimes, it felt like he wasn't moving at all.

Sometimes, it felt like he was moving in all directions at once.

Meanwhile, his mind gave him no quarter. Memories, thoughts, feelings, wishes, hopes, regrets…

He didn't know how long he spent like this.

An eternity? A second?

It didn't matter, not when he knew that it wouldn't stop.

Nothing stopped.

Even after death, there was no rest.

Only then did he truly understand the meaning behind those words.

Of all the jokes fate, the Astrals and the world had played on him, waking up in this new realm was the cruelest one.

How hard would it have been to let him rest, if not in peace, at least in nothingness?

He pondered on that question without hoping to get an answer. It didn't matter.

No reply, excuse or explanation would be enough to quiet the anger surging from within him.

Ardyn embraced the hatred the same way he had done long ago, and in it, he found the strength to dispel the fear and thoughts that threatened to drag him into an endless abyss.

He wouldn't give in.

Hatred alone had kept him going during his eternal life.

He had no reason to believe it wouldn't do the same in this new existence.

* * *

It simply happened.

Something stopped his wandering.

Ardyn had no way of knowing how long he had been floating around in the nothingness. He also couldn't tell when he had regained his body.

He moved his hands and gazed at them. He touched his face, his hair, his chest. He couldn't feel his heart.

It would have been shocking if it hadn't been expected. He was no longer alive. The dead had no use for a heartbeat.

"Welcome, lost one." A soothing voice broke the ominous silence.

Ardyn had forgotten he wasn't alone anymore. He looked at the creature whose giant hand served as a platform for him to stand on.

Its face was soft and white, not much different than that of a marble statue. Its features were beautiful, almost angelic, as were the golden garments that covered its body. Six wings, three on each side, emerged from its shoulder blades and were joined together by a halo.

A heavenly being that was nothing but disgusting for Ardyn. He stared at the figure without caring if it could notice the repulse it caused him.

"You must permit me to apologize for my intrusion." the entity's voice, musical as it was, sounded more human than divine ". The place you now stand in is Arubboth, palace of the heavens, and I'm its Lord."

Ardyn remained silent and smiled. Oh, divine beings, always so eager to state their importance.

His silence annoyed the giant figure.

Ardyn's smile widened. How easily offended gods were was as amusing as it was pathetic.

"Oh, is that so?" Ardyn said with mockery as he bowed "Well then, allow me to introduce myself."

"I know who you are."

The interruption almost caused Ardyn's rage to show on his face, but he hid it beneath a fake expression of surprise and flattery.

"Ardyn Izunia. You who lost your existance in your own realm at the hands of its rightful king — it was I who brought you here."

"And to what I owe the honor of such attention, Lord of Arubboth? What did a being as grand as yourself saw in a man of no consequence like me?" Not allowing his smile to falter was harder than Ardyn expected. It had never happened to him before.

The thought disturbed him, but he ignored it. Worrying about it would gain him nothing.

"You are here" the Lord of Abburoth raised its other hand and gently rested its enormous palm on top of Ardyn's head. Ardyn flinched, sure that it would squash him, but all he received was a tender caress", because I want to beg for your forgiveness."

The giant hand departed from his head. Ardyn stared at the god. For once, he had no words.

He didn't know what to feel, even less what to say.

A god asking for a mortal's forgiveness? What sort of idiocy was that?

A laugh began to form in his chest, but he was too taken aback to breathe it out.

"Forgive you?" he finally said, "What did you ever do to me?"

"Not me. What I want is for you to forgive everyone who mistreated you in life."

"And what the hell do you know about my life?"

"I expected you'd say as much." The condescending disappointment that dripped form the Lord's voice took Ardyn's contempt to a level he thought unreachable. He began to remember why he loathed gods ". Reluctance to forgive has long been a human failing. It is human's nature to sin, yet you answer sin with violence upon violence. Is that not itself a sin?"

If the god expected an answer, if it thought Ardyn was stupid enough to reply to its rhetorical fallacies, then the so-called Lord of Arubboth was up for a surprise.

The silence between them did much more than to simply annoy the god this time. It was only for a fleeting moment, but Ardyn saw the angelic face turn into the grimace of a demon.

"Grant them forgiveness and you shall have eternal peace." The Lord proceeded, its voice as serene as before ". You can live in peace in my paradise for all time."

Could it be true?

The offer was too simple to ignore.

Ardyn covered his face with his hands.

Had he fallen so low that he would believe a god's lie again?

"Why do you hesitate? Don't you long for what I offer?" The Lord of Arubboth couldn't hide the impatience in its voice.

Ardyn uncovered his face.

Just as the Lord drew breath to ask another question, Ardyn reached one of his hands towards it.

The god smiled, and it too began to move its free hand towards Ardyn.

"May you know eternal peace."

It had barely finished talking when a flurry of flames covered its fingers.

The Lord flinched, its hand swinging aimlessly as the fire spread all the way up to its shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, my dear Lord," Said Ardyn as he jumped off of the god's hand ", but I have no interest in any forgiveness or paradise of yours."

The Lord of Arubboth roared as a wave of magic emerged from its body. Knowing it was too late to dodge it, Ardyn prepared to block it with his arms.

The god was indeed powerful, but Ardyn had encounter mightier enemies.

His confidence, together with any other thought and feeling, didn't vanish when the hit came.

It all fell apart with what followed.

Pain.

It was like plummeting into a pit of darkness only to be pulled into a blazing light a second later.

Ardyn fell and crashed against the glass-like ground of that realm.

The new twinge of pain piled up with the previous one.

Ardyn laid on his back, unmoving and incredulous. At first, he thought it was just a trick of his mind, but the sharp pricking torturing his body contradicted his skepticism.

The Lord of Arubboth had hurt him.

He really was feeling pain.

Ardyn had little time to pull himself together. The ground trembled with every step the Lord took.

Gathering all the strength he had left, Ardyn managed to get back on his feet.

"Foolish man." Said the Lord of Arubboth. Its white arm had not the slightest trace of damage ". Did you truly think a mortal could hurt a god?"

"I've done worse things to gods than merely hurting them." Ardyn prepared another attack. Then he felt it, the disruption in his magic.

It was still powerful, but something was lacking. What had once been an unleashed force was now stunned potential at best.

What had happened?

Who had done this to him?

"Then those gods were weak." The celestial colossus plunged its open hand towards him ". You should have accepted my offer when you could. Now I shall disperse you into nothingness."

Without the element of surprise, Ardyn's magic did no damage. It was like trying to stop a burst magma with burned coals.

Fear. Another emotion that had been foreign to him for so long, overwhelmed him.

_He can hurt me._

Ardyn tried to summon his Royal Arms of Lucis, but they didn't come to his aid.

_He can kill me._

Such a stupid thought.

Ardyn laughed.

_What am I so afraid of? I'm already dead…No, I'm deader than dead! It doesn't matter, nothing matters!_

The echoes of his laughter soon overcame everything else. He had no life to lose. He had nothing, he was nothing. His cackle continued long after his whole body became entangled in the hand of the god. Only his right arm was free of the torturous pressure that began to turn the rest of himself into a pulpy mush.

His laughter never ceased. The Lord of Arubboth's face was distorted with fury.

"Laugh in emptiness, crooked clown."

"Haven't I always, my dear lord?" Screamed Ardyn, clawing the giant hand with his trembling fingers ". Perhaps you should laugh with me! Become a laughing god! You should, you should!"

As Ardyn expected, the god didn't answer. They never did.

He lost all sensation of his body. The god had won, and he knew it.

Out of nowhere, a scream louder than Ardyn's laughter came roaring from the deity's mouth. Ardyn too felt a pain so great that no amount of screaming could sooth it.

His right arm burned as it was covered by a blinding light. The lord of Arubboth let go of him, too immersed in its own agony to care about the fate of its victim. It moved around without a purpose, destroying everything in its path like a wounded animal in a frenzy.

Without the god's oppressing grip holding his tattered body together, Ardyn began to fall again. He hugged his burning arm tightly against his chest, wishing he could tear it from his body and make the pain stop.

As he fell, the realm around him shattered and began to vanish into nothingness. Ardyn could feel his body sharing the same fate.

Soon, all that remained were him and the god.

Though it still was the same entity, it was now different in every way. The hand it had used to crush Ardyn was gone, together with the rest of the arm.

The angelic visage, soaked with tears, was fractured. The demon face Ardyn had seen before bloomed from the left side, and it spread its grotesque features through all the god's body like a blight.

The death of an angel and the birth of a demon.

It was the last thing Ardyn saw before his consciousness failed him.

As he gazed at the scene, a specific sentiment overtook him, but nothingness swallowed him before he could figure what that feeling was.

It didn't matter.

He was going back to being nothing again.

This time, he hoped with a smile, it would be for good.

* * *

It wasn't.

Something…, someone was making sure of that.

Shreds of himself were being put together against his will.

 _Enough,_ Ardyn muttered to his forceful healer _._

Two voices talked among themselves. One was gentle, the other insane.

It was the former who spoke to him, while the later laughed and continued to weave together the pieces that would make of Ardyn a sentient being.

 _Leave me_ , he said.

The kinder voice remained silent for a moment, as if persuaded of doing as Ardyn asked.

The answer came in the form of a whisper.

_No._


	2. Forced Fellowships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

Noctis had killed him and destroyed his soul.

Should he be grateful?

The more Ardyn sought an answer, the more it eluded him.

The sole reason he still pondered on that useless dilemma was simple: there was little else he could do in his weakened state.

_Just a bit more._

He could feel his strength returning to him. Soon he would be able to get rid of them.

“Wakey-wakey, Ardy!” The jester laughed as he kicked him in the ribs. Ardyn had already decided he would kill him first. “I hope you’ve finally remembered how to walk with your own damn legs, because I’m getting pretty, pretty tired of dragging you around. Do I look like a carrier? A dragger?!”

He kicked him again, harder.

The kicking session had become a habit between them. It happened every time the clown became bored, though most of the time it occurred randomly, regardless of his mood. The relentless pressure of the jester’s foot against his body had been the first thing Ardyn felt after he came back to his senses.

Ardyn had been too weak to stop him then.

Not anymore.

The jester’s twisted smirk disappeared as soon as Ardyn grabbed his foot with his right hand. It was Ardyn’s turn to smile.

He stared at the clown, who had been reduced to a shrieking, pathetic mass whose screams was like music to his ears.

“Golbez! Golbez! He’s gonna disperse me!” The jester fell on his back, flailing and twitching like a fish out of water. No one came to his rescue.

It was a pity, thought Ardyn, that he had to get rid of him so soon, just when he was starting to enjoy himself with the clown’s wailing.

“This is your fault, you know.” Said Ardyn. “You should have never brought me back.”

The memory of the Lord of Arubboth’s death flashed vividly before his eyes. Ardyn hesitated, too aware of the monstrous pain that would follow the destruction of the clown. He still wasn’t sure of what that power was, but if it had been enough to kill a god, it would be enough to destroy a fool.

He dreaded the idea of being consumed by that same pain again, but he accepted it. The satisfaction the clown’s demise would bring him would be great, maybe enough to numb whatever sensation that came after.

Ardyn tightened his grip. The jester cried.

Nothing happened.

 Ardyn tried again, but everything stayed the same.

The jester kept screaming, but the tone behind his cries had changed.

No, they were the same.

Ardyn realized they had never been cries of fear.

All that time, the clown had been laughing hysterically.

“What’s wrong, Ardy?” The clown raised his head and faced him. “Is that really the limit of your strength? Boring!”

His foot stamped against Ardyn’s face. The pain blinded him, and he had no option but to let go of the clown.

“I mean, seriously.” The jester sat next to Ardyn and continued the conversation as if he was talking to a friend. “I kind of feel bad for good ol’ Maty; to think his light side fell at your hands…, what an idiot. Maybe if he hadn’t spent so much time perfecting his little ‘Welcome to paradise, now kiss my divine bottom’ routine, he would have been prepared to deal with you. Oh well.”

It was close to impossible for Ardyn to make sense out of the jester’s words.

“You are a pest.” He growled.

“So I’ve been told.” The jester stood up. A blue, chilling aura began to form in his hands. “I’m so bored. How about we kill time together? You might not enjoy it as much as I do, but nobody cares about that. Freezy-freezy, Ardy!”

Ardyn began to prepare a counterattack. He had a discouraging revelation:  his magic was even weaker than before. Gathering enough energy to try to cast the most basic of spells proved to be a trial.

“Enough!”

Though he would never show it, even less admit it, Ardyn felt relieved at the sudden intervention caused by the return of the other meddler. The giant man, clad in dark armor, wasted no time in quickly grabbing the jester by the shoulders and throwing him far away from Ardyn.

The jester screamed as he flew through the air. He landed on his bottom.

“Ow! What was that for?” He asked as he rubbed the damaged area. “Alas, my beautiful buttocks.”

“We need him, Kefka. How many times must we go over this? My patience is running thin.” The armored man didn’t need anger to sound menacing. He directed his attention to Ardyn. “So, you’re finally strong enough to fight back. Good, that means you’re strong enough to walk on your own.”

Ardyn shrugged. It was the closest thing to an answer he was willing to give to the armored man. Compared to the jester, he was tolerable, though that was hardly an accomplishment. Even the rotting carcass of a Catoblepas would be a more refined and enjoyable company than the fool.

Still, there was something in the armored man that irked Ardyn. It wasn’t hate, just a certain type of annoyance that flowed naturally between them, the same kind that made Ardyn want to roll his eyes at every word he said.

Ardyn would kill him too, but his priority was the jester. It was an oath he had made with himself.

The armored man sighed. “You’ve still got nothing to say? Listen, you can play this charade for as long as you want, but you’re only making a moron out of yourself.”

“He spoke to me.” Said the jester, waving his hand eagerly to attract the armored man’s attention. “Sure, it was only to threaten and insult me, but still. He must like me more than he likes you, Golb! Ain’t that right, Ardy?”

“We’ve got no time for this. We have to move, now.” Without warning, the armored man grabbed Ardyn by his left arm and forced him back on his feet. Ardyn slapped his hand away, with enough strength to be considered a taunt, but the other man simply ignored the offense and went toward the jester. “Hurry, Kefka.”

“Nah, I don’t feel like it.” The jester yawned and scratched his head. The armored man didn’t insist, and instead, he scooped the clown from the floor and put him on his shoulder. “What the hell are you doing? Hey, put me down, you oversized tin can! You’ll pay for this, I swear! Are you even listening? Don’t ignore me, don’t ignore me!”

“Mateus is near.”  The armored man told Ardyn as the clown continued his ranting. “His anger hasn’t quenched in the slightest. We have no chance against him, not in your current state. Come, follow me.”

He didn’t wait for an answer. He walked forward with the clown still struggling on his shoulder.

Ardyn stood still. He started to think if he had misjudged the armored man. In that moment, he was more unbearable than the jester.

“Didn’t you hear me?" The armored man turned around after the jester informed him that Ardyn wasn’t keeping up. “Follow me.”

The first words the armored man had told him came to his mind. It was the perfect occasion to quote him.

“No.” Smiled Ardyn, turning his back on them and walking in the opposite direction. “Now that I don’t require for neither of you to carry me everywhere, our improvised fellowship has lost all its appeal. But worry not gentlemen, we’ll meet again, I’ll make sure of that.”

“Bye Ardy, I’ll miss you. You were the best kicking dummy I’ve ever had.”

Ardyn allowed the jester his laugh. His words had boosted his motivation. He couldn’t wait to recover all his strength and find them again.

He would enjoy killing them more than he’d thought.

“Really?” Scoffed the armored man. “Are you so childish that you’d rather wander alone in an unknown realm than to come with us only out of spite?”

“You know it.”

“Your haughty attitude is shameful.”

“How rude of you.”

“And what will you do if you encounter Mateus, Izunia? Do you know what’ll happen to you if he finds you?”

The earnest concern in his voice made Ardyn sick. There were few thigs he found more annoying than self-righteousness.

He stopped. He looked closely at his surroundings for the first time since the two meddlers had forced his return.

The landscape, though Ardyn wasn’t sure he could call it that, hurt his eyes. It was like staring at grotesque and never-ending alloy of fever dreams. Parts of it had defined shapes, while others kept twitching and changing, as if they struggled to remember what they were supposed to be.

He may have imagined it, but for a moment, he could have sworn there were fragments of Insomnia scattered across that deformed wasteland.

He closed his eyes and looked for refuge in his thoughts.

The Lord of Arubboth, Mateus, could spawn from any place at any second. Ardyn reflected on the question he’d been asked.

What would he do if that happened?

“Fight.” It was refreshing to find that the answer didn’t require a lot of meditation. “And if I win, I win. And if I lose, I die.”

“Ha! Die, he says. Are you sure he isn’t a comedian, Golb?” The jester had a laughing fit before he could continue talking. “You’re already dead, idiot. We are all deader than dead, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. We cannot die.”

Ardyn remembered that was the jester said was true. His new existence at times felt so similar to life, that concepts such as ‘die’ and ‘kill’ still passed as relevant.

But if those words had lost their meaning, if the state he had been in after his encounter with Mateus couldn’t be referred to as ‘death’, then what had it been?

What could his current state be defined as?

“Yes,we cannot die, but something much worse can happen to us. Isn’t that right, Golb?” the clown covered his mouth as he jiggled.

“Come with us.” Insisted the armored man without minding the clown. His tone was gentler, and his words sounded more like a petition than an order. “Only together we can hope to get any sort of benefit.”

“But the benefit does seem a bit disproportioned.” Said Ardyn after a hoarse chuckle. “The way you put it, it sounds like you are in more need of me than I am of you.”

“Ugh, and I thought I had the biggest ego in the room.” Said the jester.

The armored man shook his shoulder and silenced him.

“Perhaps we are.” He admitted without shame.

“Wow Golb, a little sense of dignity never hurt anyone.”

“I’ve never been one for selfless charity.”  Continued Ardyn. A memory tried to resurface, but it was snuffed before it could take shape. “So, unless you can make my end of the bargain a bit more worthwhile…”

“You’ve got questions, and we have answers. I can’t promise you they are satisfying, but I can promise that I will tell you everything I know.” From behind the pitch-black helmet, Ardyn could feel the armored man’s gaze fixed on him. “The choice is yours alone. If you still feel it isn’t enough, or if by any reason you have the desire to search all by yourself for whatever answer you can find in this cursed land, then leave. I won’t stop you. I admit there’s wisdom in your actions: a peaceful departure is preferable to a forced fellowship.”

Ardyn laughed under his breath. He’d never witnessed a weaker attempt at manipulation, though it could also be a display of uninterested honesty.

He didn’t know which was sadder.

The ground underneath his feet trembled as a faraway cry subdued all other sound. The creature was nowhere to be seen. The echoes of his demonic voice dissipated, and all it left behind was a sense of urgency rooted on everyone that had heard it.

Ardyn held his pulsating right arm and looked at the two meddlers. He had made his choice.

“Well then, should we go?” He walked toward the jester and the armored man. He didn’t stop when he reached them, and now it was them who had to catch up to him. The armored man tried to take the lead, but Ardyn fastened his pace, making sure he was never behind him. “Please, don’t misunderstand.  I’m not following you; you just happen to be in my way.”

The armored man grunted. Ardyn could tell his patience was at its shallow end.

His reaction was expected; what took Ardyn by surprise was the approving laugh of the clown.

“You know, Ardy? You’re not half bad after all. Anyway, wake me up when something awful happens. I wouldn’t want to miss it.” It was the last thing he said before pretending to fall asleep.

His snoring was loud and exaggerated. Ardyn wondered what amusement the clown found in that act, but he didn’t dare to ask him. He feared he wouldn’t be able to shut him up again if he did.

The armored man also remained silent, which was fine for Ardyn. It wasn’t such a bad idea to enjoy the silence between them while it lasted, which wouldn’t be too long.

Ardyn had questions, and he would gladly take advantage the armored man’s offer. He would wait for them to get away from the demon chasing them, and once they were safe, it would be his turn to force as many answers as he wanted out of him.

It wouldn’t be a kindness. In a way, the armored man owed him that much.

He and the jester had brought him back.

Ardyn would never be grateful for it.

Of that, if of nothing else, he was sure.

 

* * *

 

_“We feel it. Another mortal disturbs the gloom. This one is dangerous, he has damaged a fallen god.”_

_“Do not despair. Sooner or later, he shall disperse as well.”_

_“It would be best to deal with him now, while he’s weak. The two that accompany him shall share the same fate. They have avoided their demise for far too long.”_

_“Indeed. I too have grown tired of those specks.”_

_“We’ll interfere.”_

_“No, you and I must remain here. We must protect it, no matter the cost.”_

_“We know, and we agree. In that case, allow us to aid the demon. He could fulfill this deed for us.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“We are.”_

_“Then so am I.”_


	3. Soul of rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading and to anyone leaving kudos!

"How do you know my name?"

The question had been pestering his mind for a while. The armored man lifted his head and looked at Ardyn. He was sitting next to him, his arms and legs folded as comfortably as his armor allowed. The clown laid not too far away from them. He was silent now, though Ardyn doubted he was asleep.

He too had tried to sleep, not because he was tired, but because a chance to escape that twitching reality, even if it was for a moment, was too tempting to ignore.

Sleep never engulfed him.

He was no stranger to the silence where all companionship you had were your thoughts. He had spent many years in that state, and now it was happening again. Only this time, it was much worse.

At least in his immortal life, the thoughts of vengeance and resentment had been an excellent substitute for hope and purpose. They weren't soothing, but they were inspiring.

Now, all that he had were the useless memories of the man he had been. They brought him nothing, no shame nor pride. They were just there, filling his mind with their useless presence like ghosts.

Not able to cope with it any longer, Ardyn had stood up and gone to sit down next to the armored man. He had wished to start with his questions after his mind was fresh with sleep, but if it wasn't going to happen, he had no reason to prolong it further.

"Is that what you want to know?" The armored man asked, puzzled.

"Is that a problem?"

"No, not at all. I just… I just thought you would have more interesting questions than that."

"Oh, I do, and we'll get to them, I promise." He answered as he looked over his shoulder. The clown was humming a lullaby and scratching his behind. "Please, don't make go to him for answers. That's a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy."

"Fair enough. Besides, I did promise you I would give you answers."

Ardyn put a hand on his chest, exactly on the place where his now nonexistent heart had once been. "It warms the soul to see that honorable people can exist even in a place like this."

"Ha! Only in this place of nothingness could I be called 'honorable'." The armored man laughed. It was an empty sound that almost resembled amusement. He sighed and looked down. "I know who you are because I watched you long before you arrived here. Long before you died."

Ardyn stared at him. Awkwardness raised between them like an invisible barrier.

He didn't know what answer he was expecting, but the one he got definitely hadn't been in his range of expectations.

"Mateus watched you too." That sentence made it ten times worse. The armored man seemed oblivious of the effect his words were having. Or maybe he didn't care. "It was him who found the breach that connected to your world. We couldn't go through it, but we could see you and your actions. As to why it happened, why that tear suddenly appeared amidst the nothingness and focused solely on you, I do not know."

Ardyn clenched his fists. He didn't appreciate the unwanted invasion in his life those two had caused with their eavesdropping.

"So are you two some sort of gods? What about the clown? Is he a god too?" In his anger, he had rushed his words to the point they were almost unintelligible.

"I am no god, and neither is Kefka, fortunately." The armored said with serene voice, as if trying to appease Ardyn. "As for Mateus, I'm not sure. In his world, he was once a man. He told me so, before he lost himself in his delusions and became the being you met before. But the power he holds truly resembles that of a god. Perhaps he was born a man, but died a god."

Ardyn felt shivers down his spine. If what the other man said was true, then humans were not only capable of acquiring the power of the gods, they could become gods themselves. It was a breathtaking revelation, but he took it lightheartedly. There were still many gaps he needed to fill.

"Why do you mean by 'your world' or 'his world'? Don't we all come from Eos?"

"There are other people here beside us and Mateus, but none of us share the same world." The armored man said, shifting his posture. "No, 'people' is not the right word. They have changed as well. Whatever they once were is long lost; now, only their shadows remain. I guess that's the natural consequence of being here, in this place where nothing exists, yet we still are."

"Explain yourself." Ordered Ardyn. His bluntness surprised him. He had never been a brash man, but the armored man was confusing him more than he was giving him answers. He felt cheated, and the idea of having been tricked by a self-righteous fool was unbearable.

"There's no need for anger." The armored man said. "Patience. It's been a long time since I held a real conversation. As you can imagine, Kekfa isn't the most eloquent fellow; he talks a lot, but says very little."

Ardyn took a deep breath. He accomplished nothing by losing his temper.

He nodded and allowed the armored to proceed. The other took a moment to order his thoughts.

"I died in my world and came here, but I didn't realize I was here until I was forced to remember I still existed." The armored man looked at Ardyn again."You felt it too, didn't you? The nothingness you became after dying and that then, without a warning, was gone. Like being pulled out of an empty dream that didn't bring you solace, but at least was peaceful."

"Yes." Ardyn felt a twinge of comfort. He would have described the feeling the same way. The comfort vanished and was replaced with bitterness when he remembered what the armored man and the clown had done to him. "I felt it twice, in fact, thanks to you and that jester."

"You are mistaken. We didn't rob you of your peace, we saved you from being dispersed."

"I'm sorry, but I'm yet to be familiar with this place's euphemisms."

"It's not a figure of speech, it's exactly what it sounds like. Remember when Kefka said that something worse than death can happen to us here? It wasn't a joke. Had we not cure you after your encounter with Mateus, you would be a sentient compilation of shards scattered all over this place. Can you imagine what is like to be aware of yourself, yet having no body to move, no mouth to talk with, no legs to stand on?"

Ardyn scoffed. "I can't only imagine what it feels like, I can remember it."

_I dwelled in that same state for 2000 years._

_What use were my legs, my arms, my mouth, my heart, my soul, while I was chained and locked up in that godforsaken place, hated by everyone and then remembered by none?_

He bit his tongue. Those were memories he didn't feel like sharing.

Then it occurred to him that the armored man probably already had knowledge of them. He had watched Ardyn for who knew how long, after all.

"There's no comparison." Stated the armored man. "Nothing here is the same as in our worlds. The time you spend as your shattered self as it slowly tries to come together and become whole is a trial that has driven some of the others mad. And what you become once you are complete again, is not the same being you were before."

"Is that what happened to the jester?"

"No. He has never been dispersed before. But something tells me he wouldn't change if he was." The armored man said. "His madness keeps him sane, if that makes sense."

"And are those 'others' you speak of real? How do I know they are not the imaginings of a madman?" Ardyn inquired, no wanting the conversation to digress.

"They are. I fought with them, we all fought each other. For time immemorial, it was the only thing we did." Shame tainted his voice. "When I became aware here, I found myself alone in a grotesque imitation of the place that had been my home. I didn't know where I was, but I knew what I was meant to do. It was branded in my mind. _Fight each other_. No matter where my thoughts went, the dead end was always the same. _Fight each other_. _Fight each other_. _Fight each other._ "

He said those words in a chant that would give Ardyn nightmares if he ever managed to sleep again.

"It didn't feel like an order. It was a need, an instinct I needed to fulfill. Soon I stopped thinking, and I yielded to it. I didn't enjoy the fighting, but I didn't try to stop myself either. I was a cruel man in life, but here I became a monster."

The armored shook as if he was freezing. Ardyn wondered what expression laid underneath the dark helmet.

"That's all I have to tell you." He said after regaining his composure. "Let's continue this another time."

"No. No, that's not how it goes." Ardyn said calmly but sternly. "You promised me as many answers as I wanted, but all you've given me are pieces of information that tell me very little. I still got plenty of —"

"I've given you enough for now. Use your head, think about those pieces and put them together. Next time we talk, tell me what you've discovered, and based on what you say, I'll tell you more."

"You are changing your part of the deal. If you think I'm gonna waste my time with your games…"

"You will." The armored man's cut Ardyn's voice clean. "Trust me, in this place, you'd do well to employ your mind in whatever distraction you can find. Otherwise, you won't be able to stand being alone with your memories and thoughts without succumbing to despair; but you already know that, don't you? Isn't it the reason you came and talked to me in the first place, Ardyn?"

A punch to the gut wouldn't have been more effective.

Ardyn stood up. He opened his mouth and pointed his finger toward the armored man in a accusative manner.

His tongue weaved no words, and instead, he breathed a bitter chuckle.

"You." He smiled at the armored man. "You are shifty bastard."

"You are the one who stated otherwise, not me."

"You know, you have a great talent in making the jester's company appear so less repulsing."

"If your intention was to insult me, then you very much succeeded."

"I shall rejoice in this victory forever. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to cleanse my ears of your voice with some silence." Ardyn turned his back on the armored man.

"Rest. You need to recover your strength." The voice of the armored halted him before Ardyn had taken one step forward.

Ardyn rolled his eyes and waved his hand to let him know he had heard him.

"Sleep doesn't exist here, but keep your mind busy, and maybe you'll be able to find something that resembles it."

Ardyn had already suspected that; yet, the confirmation that sleep had also been taken away from him drenched him with disappointment.

"By the way, Ardyn."

Ardyn stopped and looked at the armored man with visible exasperation. He felt the urge to reduce him to ashes.

Once he recovered all his strength, it would be the first he'd do.

"It occurred to me I never introduced myself."

"Spare me the formalities. I already know your name, and you've known mine since long before we even met."

"You can call me by it, and you should do the same for Kefka." The armored man stood up. His armor creaked with ever move he made.

"How kind of you, but you already should know that you are sowing the seeds of camaraderie on infertile ground."

"That's not my purpose." It took him only a few steps to be next to Ardyn. His height alone made him an imposing figure. Ardyn's imagination drew for him a quick sketch of the armored man as an enemy instead of the stoic ally he posed as. It wasn't a pleasing image. "Our names have power, especially in a place like this. We'd do well to help each other remember them. Keep that in mind, Ardyn."

Then, without any further talk, the armored man continued his way.

Ardyn stood where he was. Eventually, he returned to the same spot where he had previously tried to sleep.

He laid down with his eyes closed. From the distance, he heard the echoes of the armored man as he did the same.

To his surprise and joy, Ardyn discovered he hadn't lied to him. It didn't happen instantly, but he managed to reach a state where his memories and thoughts no longer harmed him. They still lured in his mind, but they were kept at bay.

It was far from being the same fleeting serenity of nothingness he had enjoyed before it was prematurely snatched from him, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling.

Ardyn sighed.

Was that truly the closest thing to peace he would ever get?

* * *

"That Golb, always a goody two-shoes. What a noble man he is, and so boring." The jester snuffed out Ardyn's tranquility. He opened his eyes and saw the smiling jester kneeling next to him. "And if there's something I really hate, is boredom. But you aren't like him, are you, Ardy? I know you aren't."

He laughed as he reached one his long, overly white fingers toward Ardyn. Ardyn caught it before it could get too close.

"Are you always this insufferable, or is it just me?" Ardyn said. He was now sitting up with his back fully straightened, ready to fight the clown if it came to it. Though his magic remained unresponsive, he had regained all his physical strength.

He crushed the finger on his palm until the bone snapped in half. It was easier than cracking an egg shell.

The jester's smile widened. He looked at his injury with childlike curiosity.

Ardyn let go of him, sickened and bored of the jester's unresponsiveness.

"Owchey-ouch! This is going to hurt in the morning. Good thing for me it is never morning here, or night, or noon, or nothing." He cackled, patting his finger and giving it a kiss. "Much better! See? I knew you were more interesting than Golb! He never would have reacted like this. Ignore me, maybe. Tell me to rethink my actions, most likely. But this? Nope, never! Oh, Ardy, sweet Ardy, I'm so happy."

"Ah yes, because your happiness has always been my priority." Ardyn said. He had no desire of being around that fool. His sole presence was exhausting. "Now that this delightful conversation is over, how about you return the favor and leave? Nothing would make me happier, I can assure you."

"Oh, but I have a better idea. It's bound to make us both happy! Here, I'll whisper it to you." Suddenly, the jester rushed his head toward Ardyn. Their foreheads crashed with a thump. A warm stream of blood leaked into Ardyn's eye. He didn't know if it belonged to him or to the clown. "How about we disperse him?"

"What?"

"Don't blabber like an idiot. You know what I mean." The jester clawed his nails into Ardyn's right arm. "Or better yet, you should do to him what you did to Maty! Uh… what exactly did you do to him anyway? Destroy him? Disperse him? Absorbed him like a sponge? Disgusting!"

Ardyn put his foot on the jester's belly and pushed him away.

He discovered their surroundings had changed, and that the armored man was nowhere to be found.

"Where is the other?"

"Who?" The jester was now standing up, rubbing his stomach. "Oh, you mean Golb. I don't know. We left him behind a while ago. You can't expect me to drag him around with that armor of his! And I didn't want him to hear our little chat. Something tells me it would make him angry. Just a hunch."

Two emotions surged within Ardyn at the same time.

He had been able to achieve a trance deep enough for him not to remember the moment the jester had dragged him away. The loss of sleep was no longer as dreadful as he had imagined.

That brought him relief.

At the same time, he was now alone with the fool. And to add to injury, he had taken Ardyn away from the only source of answers he had.

That brought him anger.

Together, they surged into a mix where neither could express itself freely, but they made use of each other to boost their intensity.

"What? Do you really miss Golb so much?" Asked the jester mockingly. "Chin up, crybaby! I'm sure he will find us eventually. He always does. But hey, if you already have become so fond of him, we can prolong his dispersion just a tiny longer. After all, the other morons around are just as entertaining to destroy! Destroy! Destroy! Let's destroy them together, Ardy!"

The jester covered his face as he laughed. He clawed his face, ripping the skin on his cheeks all the way down to his jaw. He dropped to the ground, hugging himself as he twitched  with the spasms of laughter.

Ardyn froze where he stood. Madness emerged from the jester like a scent.

He had never witnessed a more pathetic being in a more repulsive state.

 _That's not true_. His thoughts spoke to him. _And you know it._

In terms of cruelness, his thoughts were the same as the Astrals.

Ardyn even dared to say they were worse.

They would have stayed that way for an eternity if a cold figure hadn't materialized above them.

Ardyn looked up. A dark cloud with a definite shape had been born from the nothingness, its shadow covering them like a blanket. The jester's laughter died slowly, and when it finally ceased, the humming vibration coming from the cloud became audible.

Before either of them could question its existence, the cloud transformed into a vortex. From it, a creature emerged as if it was an angel falling from heaven.

The demon landed on its back. The impact shattered reality and reconfigured it.

"Well." Said the jester as he got back on his feet. It was the first time Ardyn heard his voice free of ridicule and contempt. "That's unexpected."

Ardyn kept silent. He didn't need to say out loud what he already knew.

Nothingness had perished and Hell had taken its place.

And its king, the demon born from the cloud, had but one porpuse: to make Ardyn pay for what he had done.


	4. Covenant with a Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

The dark cloud vanished.

Its disappearance went unnoticed, overshadowed by the monstrous legacy it left behind.

The demon stood tall. Its body was massive, more than its angelic counterpart had been. Sounds emerged from it, unintelligible and without meaning, but still capable of conveying a feeling of dread that Ardyn didn't remember experiencing before.

He was no stranger to the sight of fiends. He had, in many ways, been one for years.

But the demon was different.

Before Ardyn had the chance to think about what that difference was, the demon's eyes fixed on his. The crimson stare stole him of his energy. Ardyn almost dropped flat on his chest, but he mustered enough strength to fall on one of his knees instead.

His body was heavy as stone, and it ignored his mind's command of escaping the colossal deformity that was running toward him, unstoppable as a raging beast. Its howling cries resonated across the newly formed hell.

"Move, you twit!" Ardyn's rescue came in the shape of a kick in the head that sent him flying out of the demon's way. Ardyn landed on his back, his body now fully responsive.

Before he had time to make use of it, the fool grabbed him by the neck of his coat and dragged him behind a purple rock-like structure big enough to offer them shelter.

The clown casted an invisible barrier around them before kneeling next to Ardyn. "Hear me well, idiot, I won't save you again, so I suggest you snap out of whatever fear-induced trance your ass is in and start being useful at once."

Ardyn glared at the fool. He felt no gratitude toward him, only the raw anger that comes after listening to a bluntly stated true.

The demon's steps shook reality. Ardyn could hear it sniffing its surrounding like a behemoth tracking the scent of its prey.

Had they not had a demon lurking nearby, the expression of earnest fear that distorted the clown's face would have made Ardyn laugh.

"Wipe that hideous smirk off your face. This is all your fault." He said to Ardyn.

"Maybe it is."

"No, it definitely is! You just had to make him angry, didn't you? Don't get me wrong, seeing God-Maty fall at your hands was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, but it seems the joke got old real fast. Nice going there, Ardy."

"So, you saved me just so you would make me listen to your endless ranting, or are we going to do something about that blood-thirsty demon?" The demon distanced himself to search somewhere else, which gave Ardyn a sense of relief, though he knew it would be short lived at best. "Whatever we do, we do it now."

"Ha! Someone here is eager to be dispersed." The clown huffed. "There will not be any _we_ in this. _I_ am going to do something about Maty, and _you_ will have the honor of being my glorified backup. Good? Good."

Ardyn couldn't believe what he had heard. "Me? A lackey of yours? I thought you were insane, but now I realize you are stupid."

"You are right. I'm both things, and much more." Admitted the clown as if Ardyn was stating the obvious. "And among my many qualities, I have the ability to be more in battle than a burden. I cannot say the same for you, dear Ardy."

"How fools speak so freely of things they don't know."

"You can't control your magic, you have no weapons to wield." The clown counted with his fingers. Ardyn noticed the one he had broken was now fully healed. "And you cannot expect to defeat Maty with physical strength alone. I mean, you are strong, but let's not get ahead of our ourselves."

As he spoke, Ardyn tried to summon his royal arms and use them against the clown. When they didn't appear, one thing became clear: they were gone for good. In silence and without allowing any emotion to show in his face, Ardyn unwillingly accepted their eternal departure.

"So am I right, or am I right, Ardy?" The clown spat at him cruelly.

Knowing that any sign of annoyance from his part would be enjoyable to the clown, Ardyn simply stayed silent.

As he had expected, the clown quickly grew restless. "Ugh, your impersonation of Golbez is top notch."

The clown proceeded to cast multiple spells into a single amalgam. He mixed fire, ice, thunder, venom, light, darkness, and tempered the alloy with a spell unknown to Ardyn until it gained the shape of a sword.

It was surreal to see a chaotic man like him being able to use his powers with the finesse proper of a master magician.

"You know how to use one of these, don't you?" The clown asked him patronizingly.

"I'll let you be the judge of that." Said Ardyn with confidence as the sword was handed to him.

He knew how to use his royal arms to the point of mastery, but normal swords were hardly his most honed skill. He knew enough to defend himself, but to win against a god-like being?

His lack of magic stung him more than ever, but he had no time to mourn it, especially not in front of the clown.

Feinting resolve, Ardyn wielded his new weapon with as much elegance as he could. The clown seemed to buy the act, but Ardyn couldn't tell.

More often than not, what that mocking grin conveyed was close to impossible to decipher.

"What a dashing fellow you are. Now then, lets get this over with. I'm getting really bored again."

"I assume you have a plan. If you don't, I'll gladly —"

"The plan is simple. Have fun and try not get dispersed. The second part is optional, the first is a must!" Laughed the clown and snapped his fingers. The barrier he had created bursted like a bubble, and a second later, came the reckoning roar of the demon. It had found his prey, or rather, its prey had come willingly to it. "Good luck, Ardy!"

There was no time to complain. Ardyn barely had time to dodge the giant hand as it crushed their sanctuary and transformed it into a pile of twitching purple rubble.

"Hey Maty! That's no way of treating your old friend, is it?"

When the dust around him dispersed, Ardyn saw the floating figure of the clown dancing around the demon like persistent fly.

He threw at him all kinds of spells, but the demon ignored him.

Ardyn was the vessel of all its attention.

"YOU!" The demons voice was deeper than its growls and cries. It didn't seem natural for a sound so foul to be able to form words. "MONSTER! GIVE BACK WHAT YOU TOOK FROM ME!"

"Shut up, Maty! You've always been so corny." A beam of white light pierced the demon's chest. "That's going to leave a mark."

At last, the demon acknowledged the clown's presence. Ardyn didn't know if it was because the attack had hurt it, or if the demon had become tired of the other's maddening voice.

Unsure of what he was doing, but sure that the time for doing something had come, Ardyn ran toward the demon and jumped with all the strength his legs allowed him. The demons head was too far for him to reach, but its grotesque belly was at hand.

The sharp end of the sword pierced the thick golden skin. Ardyn forced the sword through until a vertical slash cut through the demon's hide. A flow of black blood spurred out of the fresh wound like a geyser.

Ignoring the corrupted fluid that soaked his face and chest, Ardyn began to climb up with one hand while he held the sword with the other.

The demon shook his body and launched his palm toward Ardyn. The only reason he didn't end up as a stain was because the clown was more than adept in keeping the demon busy.

Bursts of fire, showers of ice, storms of thunder, and the deceleration of time. The clown cast them all with equal power, and without concern of whom received the damage.

Though Mateus was clearly his main target, Ardyn wasn't spared. He received burns from ice and fire alike, and a wandering thunder almost succeeded in making him lose his grip.

When he finally made his way up to the demon's shoulder, Ardyn was worn out and heavily injured.

"You godforsaken fool!" He screamed at the clown. _If only I had my magic…_

To his surprise and concern, Ardyn discovered his unwelcome ally was in a worse state than him. The clown had received heavy damage from Mateus, but most of his wounds had been the consequences of his chaotic offense and carelessness.

Yet, he kept on laughing.

Was it all a game for the clown?

Did he even have any interest in defeating the demon, or was the excitement of battle and destruction enough to fulfill his heart?

Ardyn caught with the corner of his eye the image of the demon's claws rushing toward him. He avoided them, making the demon impale himself in the shoulder instead.

For a being so imposing, Ardyn realized, it wasn't so powerful.

Its anger clouded its intelligence, and the size of his body made him clumsier than it made him strong. And, not unlike Ardyn, its magic felt mitigated.

That thing wasn't a demon, just a pale imitation of one.

Ardyn wondered if his imagination and fear had gotten the best of him.

He smiled, this time with real confidence. Perhaps he and the clown, as uncontrollable as he was, could achieve victory.

With renewed fighting spirit, Ardyn gripped the sword's handle tightly and aimed it at the demon's exposed neck.

What he intended to be a clean cut was instead a rough stab that almost made the sword shatter. It became stuck in the demon's flesh before Ardyn had cut halfway through.

The sudden stop damaged the sword, and the more it stayed in contact with the demon, the more it rusted and threatened with shattering.

Ardyn cursed at himself.

He knew, as much as it hurt his pride, that the sword was not to blame. His attack had lacked the elegance, strength, speed and finesse necessary.

The demon cried in agony. Its two hands began to come closer to its neck.

"Don't touch your boo boos, silly boy! They could get infected." A pair of giant hands made of black and white energy took hold of the demon's before they could reach their destination. A third hand pulled its head by the snake-like hair of the monster. "Need a hand, Ardy? Well, I just gave you three."

Ardyn looked at the clown. It was a pity that a power so great had been given to a creature so unworthy.

"Hurry!" The clown exclaimed. "This isn't as easy as it looks, you know."

He didn't need to say more.

Together, the clown and Ardyn began to behead the demon.

"MONSTER! MONSTER!"

The words weakened Ardyn, but he kept going, no matter how much his wounds burned or how much the demon's blood depleted his energy.

"MY OTHER HALF! GIVE ME BACK MY OTHER HALF!"

The head snapped like an overstretched rubber. The clown's hands let go of it and disappeared.

The head plummeted to the ground as if it was made of dust, and vanished before it could reach the surface. Now lacking its most important piece, the rest of the body collapsed.

Ardyn braced himself.

His landing was sudden. The corpse of the demon, now just piles of dust and ashes, damped some of the impact.

Lying down, Ardyn watched another figure coming down. The clown landed close to him. The clown groaned and screamed. He was very much alive.

"Ardy! Why didn't you catch me? You are mean!"

Ardyn couldn't answer. A sense of victory, the first positive sensation he had felt since his arrival to that world, filled him with pride.

They had killed it. The demon was no more, and soon it would be just a memory.

Yet, its words lingered.

Still lying on his back, Ardyn raised his right arm.

Whatever power lied dormant within it, it wasn't visible to the eye.

Ardyn focused, and he felt it.

A force that wasn't his.

The presence was strong, but he couldn't awaken it. The more he tried, the more elusive it became, as if it was aware of Ardyn's intrusion and raised its defenses at his presence.

"A handshake? Sure, I'll give you one!"

The touch of the clown came with a burning sting that covered Ardyn's hand whole. He flinched and retreated it back to his chest.

Bearing the pain, Ardyn got up and moved away from the clown.

The clown hissed and stepped back. He too was holding his hand against his body.

"How dare you!" He exclaimed as he breathed heavily. He stared at Ardyn's arm, and his eyes mellowed. "Maty? Are you really there? Ha ha ha! So, you are a sponge after all, Ardy!"

Ardyn looked at his arm again. Somewhere inside, a divine being still existed.

Disgust overwhelmed him. His breathing became heavier and irregular.

Once again, he was the host of abnormal beings.

He grabbed his arm by the shoulder and started pulling.

He had just decapitated a demon. Ripping his own limb from his body surely would be an easy task.

"Stop that!" The clown shouted.

His voice brought Ardyn to his senses. Ashamed of his moment of weakness, Ardyn put his arm away from his sight without letting go of it.

"You are pathetic." The clown said as he came closer to Ardyn. "Do you know what I would give for a power like yours? And yet, you cower from it like a scared chocobo. Were you always this sad in life Ardy, or did death change you?"

"Shut up!"

"Or what? You'll do to me what you did to Maty? Please, as if you knew how to do it again." He stopped and closed his eyes. "Oh yes, Maty is there. Half of him, at least. You have his power, yet you are so weak. Why is that? Why? Why? Tell your good friend Kefka the reason, Ardy."

Ardyn hadn't the answer. He wouldn't have given it to the clown in any case, but he too longed to know what was happening to him. The clown appeared next to him.

Ardyn hadn't heard his steps.

"Maty, you tell us then." The clown held Ardyn's arm in a tender embrace and rested his ear on it. Ardyn couldn't shake him off. In a way, he didn't try too hard.

Maybe if he let the clown play his games, he could get some answers; it was a risky bet, but if there were any other options, Ardyn couldn't see them. "Why, Maty? Why won't you lend Ardy your strength? He is kind of a fool, kind of a bastard, kind of a murderer too, but aren't we all? You hate him, you say? Yes, he is a nasty fellow, but you did try to trick him into accepting your paradise crap. You hate me too? Oh no, my feelings! Maty? Maty? Are you there? Nope, he is gone. Whoops."

The clown kept on laughing after Ardyn punched him hard enough to knock him down. Blood dripped from his chin. It painted his teeth red.

"Oh yes, because that solved all your problems." The clown cackled. "Ardy, don't be angry with me. It's not my fault Maty hates you; you brought that upon yourself. Fortunately for you, you needn't his approval; if he's going to be jerk about it, then you be a jerk too. It's not as if any of us here are above that behavior, not even our dear Golb."

"Aren't you full of surprises." Ardyn couldn't tell who he hated most: the clown or the parasite dwelling in his arm. "Now you are going to tell me that you've got experience in dealing with the power of gods…"

"I do."

"And you expect me to believe you? How sweet."

"You don't deal with gods, you don't reason with them. You make them yield." The clown said with seriousness. "Mateus' power won't flow naturally within you. It isn't yours, and your body knows. Seize it, take it without asking! Drain him from his strength! Fight him until he submits. Remind him he is nothing but a parasite, and once he is weak, take his power and use it as your own. You know how to do this well, Ardy, I know you do."

"You know nothing, clown."

"You can do it, Ardy. You just need to remember how, and stop being afraid." The clown insisted. He looked down. Ardyn couldn't believe it, but for an ephemeral moment, he felt pity for him. "My gears were taken away from me long ago, but yours are just stuck. You are lucky, Ardy, so very lucky—"

The dust in the ground materialized into a claw that stabbed the clown in the chest. He was still smiling when he was thrown into the air. Ardyn heard the thump his body made when he landed.

Before he could react, another sharp claw impaled Ardyn. It pierced his belly and emerged from his back. It gave Ardyn no time to understand the pain, and raised him into the air without letting him go.

Ardyn tried to break free, but his hands slipped from the claw drenched with his blood.

Before him, the remaining dust and ashes came together and transformed back into the demon. The claw holding him joined with a newly reconstructed hand, which simultaneously joined with a gigantic arm.

The last part to appear was the demon's head and neck. Around it, shards of the clown's broken sword gleamed like jewels.

"I cannot be defeated by the likes of you. No matter how many times I fall, I will rise anew." Said the demon. With two fingers, he grabbed Ardyn's arm. "Give back… what's rightfully mine."

There was no place for doubt.

Swallowing his dignity, Ardyn remembered the clown's words and followed them through.

Blindly, he reached for Mateus' power within him and found him. He gave him no quarter. Ardyn felt the anger Mateus had for him as if it was his own.

_What now, Ardyn? Now that your daemons are gone, you seek to use me as source for your power?_

The revelation struck Ardyn.

So that was the reason. He hadn't felt their absence until then.

The daemons inside him were gone, and together with them, the magic he had used most of his life. What now remained was the power he'd had before, when the masses cheered at him with the title of healer.

Another badge of shame. Another offense he would be forced to carry even after death.

The option of the total loss of his magic no longer seemed as tragic.

_I sensed your pain, Ardyn. This magic hurts you, it forces you to remember memories you wish weren't real, so I blocked it from you. Let me become whole again and I will give you peace, Ardyn. My other half is resentful and violent, but only because it represents the darkest feelings in my heart. I am the opposite, and I know how to forgive. Let me become whole again and I will unburden you of your pain and make it my own. This magic, memories, thoughts, resentments, wishes, give them all to me and be free of yourself. I have the power to make it happen. Just let me be whole. Please, your majesty._

Temptation was never easy to ignore. Had Ardyn been kinder, the silver-tongued god would have convinced him with no resistance from his part.

It was unfortunate for Mateus he wasn't that sort of man anymore.

_Silence. You have no saying in this matter. If I chose to renounce my magic, it will be my choice, not the result of your intervention and snide insinuations. If I choose to make use of you, you will comply. This is your new role now, so I suggest you get used to it fast, my Lord. It will be easier for us both if you do._

_Monster!_ Screamed the god and the demon at the same time. _Not even your own gods loved you! That's why they ruined your life! That's why you're here! You deserve worse. Monster! Monster!_

_You talk too much._

Mateus' power flowed freely within Ardyn. From his hand, a blinding light emerged and struck the demon's face.

Holy. And he hadn't needed the Ring of Lucis to cast it. The power of gods never ceased to impress him.

Euphoric, Ardyn prepared to cast it again. The sharp departure of the demons' claw ruined his focus, but he didn't care.

Once he was on solid ground, he would heal himself and continue to attack the demon. It had claimed to be immortal, but Ardyn couldn't trust him. Now that he had control over the power of its other half, Ardyn would continuo to kill the demon as many times as it took.

And who knew, maybe he would absorb it too.

Maybe he…

_No! My power is mine alone!_

Ardyn felt how Mateus broke his grip and expelled him from his power. Immediately, Ardyn tried to recover his control over him, but Mateus defenses were unbreachable.

A moment of overconfidence ruined everything he had achieved.

Once on the ground, Ardyn couldn't gather enough magic to heal himself. Holy was out of the question.

It didn't matter.

He already had overcome Mateus once, and he would do it again.

He just had to keep trying until—

His legs failed him. When Ardyn looked down, he discovered they weren't injured.

One of them was gone, and the other was starting to disintegrate.

"Oh, Ardy." The clown was close to him. He had dragged himself like a worm from a long distance with the only arm he had left. "You are dispersing. _We_ are dispersing. I'd heal us both but… I don't have the power… Maty really got us, huh? You did well, but it was too late…It's alright. At least…it was fun."

Ardyn's other leg vanished.

Reduced to the same state of the clown, Ardyn clenched his teeth and felt his boiling blood rushing to his head.

Victory had escaped him. They had lost, and now, he was destined to experience another form of death.

In life, he had longed for it, but in this realm, he dreaded it. Another eternal imprisonment in complete stillness awaited him.

"No." He whispered, determined to find a way. His limited options were useless, but still he didn't give up. Hopeless he was, but not defeated. He wouldn't give the Astrals the satisfaction of knowing they had thrown him into that world only to perish alone and scared like mangy dog.

Then he looked at the clown.

An idea came to him.

 _I'm insane_.

He dragged himself closer to him, unconvinced of what he was going to do, but fixed on doing it anyway.

All his other options were gone.

He could feel Mateus' eagerness for his dispersion. He was already trying to escape his arm to reunite with the demon. It was a desire so strong that it blinded him from any other thought.

Or precaution.

Ardyn took advantage of it just like Mateus had taken advantage of his overconfidence.

_Fool! Don't think it'll work again. Perish now, usurper._

Mateus took his power away from him, like a dragon guarding its treasure from the greedy hands of a bandit.

_Keep your magic for yourself. I no longer want it._

_Then what is it you seek?_

_My own._

In his desperation to keep his power away from Ardyn, Mateus had left the path of the healer _'_ s magic wide open.

Ardyn's right arm gleamed with the same magic he had used against Mateus when they first met.

He extended it toward the clown and touched him with one finger.

It was done.

Ardyn closed his eyes, and gave himself to whatever was beyond the choice he had made.


	5. A stranger in common

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

_“We feel it. The demon has fallen. We did not foresee this outcome.”_

_“Neither did I.”_

_“The jester is gone too.”_

_“A meaningless victory. That fool’s fate is of no importance.”_

_“The usurper remains. It is him who struck the demon down.”_

_“Yes. He is a greater threat than I thought.”_

_“What should we do? Shall we cast one of the others upon him? The one-winged angel would be a suitable choice.”_

_“That would be far too dangerous. Should he fail to defeat him, we would only be feeding the usurper more power. No. For now, let him wander. Besides, you need to recover.”_

_“We are fine.”_

_“Fine is not enough. If we want to protect it, the two of us must be at our best at all times.”_

_“Are you?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Very well, we shall rest.”_

_“I’ll remain here.”_

_“As you always do.”_

_“And always will.”_

* * *

 

Ardyn walked alone across an empty Insomnia. It was a darker version of it, almost identical to the one he had casted upon the world of the living for ten years.

Had that city of darkness and decay ever brought him comfort?

He couldn’t remember, but if it had, he hoped it would grant it to him again soon.

His right arm hung limp and numb against his body, its weight abnormally heavy, as if an anvil had been tied to his wrist.

He had tried to take a break from his aimless wandering, but his arm worsened whenever he stopped moving. His only choice was to keep going.

His heavy breathing and his steps were the only thing that broke the silence. Something else broke it too, but Ardyn tried to keep it in check.

Whenever the clown started talking, there was no stopping him.

_Are you still calling me that? I have a name, Ardy, and it’s not ´the clown´, or ´the jester´, or ´the fool´. I’m Kefka! Come on, say it with. Kefka. K-E-F-K-C-…err, you know what I mean!_

Ardyn tried to silence Kefka, but it was useless.

_Good job! That wasn’t hard at all, was it? Usually, name-calling makes me mad, but I’ll let it slide this time. Consider it my way of thanking you for saving me from dispersion. You are a good boy, Ardy._

Ardyn laughed.

“Save you? If that’s the delusion you want to believe, then be my guest.”

_You saved me. I’m still here, aren’t I? In a way, at least._

“An unfortunate consequence of a desperate decision. We all make mistakes, even me.”

_So cold! That works for me, though. I don’t care if you wanted to save me or not. I’m here, that’s all that matters._

“You won’t be here for long, so I wouldn’t recommend you make yourself at home just yet. In the meantime, why don’t you try to stay quiet and spare me of your pointless small talk?”

_Don’t be like that! You are starting to sound like Golbez. Where is he anyway? Do you think something bad happened to him?_

“Now you worry about his fate? I thought you wanted to get rid of him. You tried to convince me to do that for you, remember?”

_I was just playing around! Not that I thought you’d manage to defeat him in the first place. He likes to act like a peaceful monk, but Golb is a formidable opponent. You wouldn’t last five minutes against him._

“I find that hard to believe.”

_Though now maybe you can. Maybe me and Maty can make you a bit less useless. Isn’t that right, Lord Emperor of my heart? How about we give our host a taste of his new power?_

A spell of green energy surrounded his arm. It moved against Ardyn _’_ s will and aimed at a structure that resembled Insomnia _’_ s palace. The spell reduced it to ruins after swallowing it in a contained explosion.

_Hahaha! Yes, yes! Beautiful! Nothing like the sweet sight of destruction. Let’s do it again!_

Ardyn agreed with Kefka. Seeing that place fall, even if it was just a twitching imitation of it, had amused him greatly.

However, that amusement was dampened by the fact it had been Kefka and not Ardyn whom had casted the spell.

Ardyn shook his arm so forcefully that it almost dislocated from his shoulder.

“Enough of that, parasite.” He stated to the clown within him. “Allow me to remind you I’m the one in charge here, not you.”

_My name is Kefka! I hate you! You are boring. Go away, I don’t want to talk to you anymore._

“At last, my wish has come true.”

Kefka disappeared from his reach, but Ardyn could still feel his essence. At worst, he had proved to be an annoyance, but Ardyn knew the true consequences of their merging were still to come.

Ardyn rejected the distressing thought and tried to focus in his wandering.

The monotony of his actions and the absolute quietness of his surroundings allowed the thought to return as if it had never left.

Merging with Kefka had healed him and stopped both of their dispersions. It had also granted Ardyn enough power to defeat the demon-half of Mateus.

No, defeating wasn’t the word.

Ardyn gazed at his arm. The demon was inside it somewhere, reunited with his other half. He didn’t remember what had driven him to absorb it; if he thought about it carefully, he couldn’t tell if it had been his decision.

He resented the idea, but he knew that it had been the better outcome. He had no wish of spending his time in that reality trapped in an everlasting fight against an undefeatable demon. Better for it to remain sealed inside him than outside pestering him.

Not that it was a difficult prisoner. Following their reunion within Ardyn, both halves of Mateus had gone silent.

 When Ardyn had tried to reach them to make sure they still lingered, Ardyn had felt their presence but received no response or opposition.

Perhaps Kefka’s presence was so overwhelming that any other essence inside him was reduced to a speck.

There was also the possibility that Mateus was simply exhausted from the battle, and once he recovered, he would be as noticeable as Kefka.

Ardyn didn’t know which option was worse.

_Hey, Ardy! I’m back because I love you and have a very important message for you._

That didn’t take long.

Ardyn took a deep breath and sighed.

“Yes, I know. I’m a boring oaf with a questionable sense of fashion. You’ve already told me thrice. You are one to talk; actually, from what I’ve seen so far, everyone here is one to talk...”

_You are just jealous. Oh, and someone is nearby. Good luck. Okay, bye!_

Ask Kefka retreated, he locked his and Mateus’ power away from Ardyn.

Ardyn tried to reach him, but Kefka proved to be more elusive than Mateus. He could hear him laugh as he escaped him, like a child enjoying an especially fun game of tag.

Twice, Ardyn came close to catch him, but the clown slipped from his grasp like a nimble snake.

“You do realize that without that power I could be dispersed?”

_That’s your problem, not mine!_

“It is your problem too, stupid maniac. What would happen to you then? How do you know you won’t disperse with me?”

_Maybe I’ll get to be free, maybe I’ll disperse together with you. Who knows! The mystery adds spice to the whole thing. Like melting butter on a bowl of hot porridge, like powdered sugar on freshly-backed cake._

“Does anything you say ever makes sense?”

_To me, yes. Oh no, he is here! We are doomed._

Ardyn had been so focused in catching Kefka that he didn’t notice the unwelcome other had arrived.

It angered him to let Kefka get away with his stupidities, but he had already wasted too much time with him.

Ardyn prepared to fight only with his own magic. He had some spells at his disposal; his fire magic remained strong, but he doubted he could take down a might foe with it. Besides it, the other spells were at their basic form.

Of course, there was also his healer touch. Ardyn wished it didn’t come to it. He would use it only as his last resort.

He already had two dangerous, sentient forces inside him; the last thing he needed was a third.

“Ardyn!” Said the figure.

Ardyn recognized the voice. He untensed his body but kept his guard up.

“I’ve found you at last.” Said the armored man with relief as he hastened his pace toward Ardyn.

_Armored man? Don’t be rude, Ardy! Call him Golbez, or Golb. Though I admit that ´self-righteous moron´ fits him well. You are a funny man, Ardy!_

“I´m glad to see you’re alright.” Golbez stood in front of him. He moved his head in all directions. “Where’s Kefka? I thought he was with you.”

_Oh, but I am here with him! I’m inside him, to be more precise. Ugh, that sounded better in my imagination._

“How should I know? I thought you were playing the role of his babysitter, not me.” Replied Ardyn.

_Why are you like this? I hope Golb teaches you a lesson!_

“Jest if you must.” Golbez crossed him arms. “What happened? When I came to my senses, the two of you were gone. Finding you was no easy task. If that explosion hadn’t given guided me here, I’d still be looking for you.”

_Glad to see someone here appreciates my art._

“Your art gave away our location. Well done.”

_Thank you. See? Even a bastard like you can be nice once in a while, Ardy._

“Alas, sarcasm is always lost on the empty-headed.”

_Hence why I try no to waste it on you._

“That almost resembled wit.”

“Ardyn?” Golbez asked.

Ardyn had forgotten he was talking out loud. He had also forgotten Golbez’s presence. Kefka’s laughter echoed in his ears.

His own lips had transformed into a smile. He snuffed it from his face and turned his back on Golbez.

“Lets just go. I’m sick of this place. We could look for the clown if you miss him that much.” He said with as much indifference as he could fake. Even to his ears, it sounded unconvincing. Ardyn kept walking, hoping Golbez had fallen for it.

A giant hand held his shoulder and made him turned around.

He hadn’t.

“What have you done?” Golbez asked. More than a gentle question, it was a demand for an explanation.

_Is he your mother or what? Just disperse him, Ardy._

“Do you want me to disperse you?” Ardyn said. “I can, and I will.”

Golbez didn’t falter at the threat. He was as still as a tree.

Ardyn felt the weight of those hidden eyes on his shoulders.

_Yes! That’s the spirit Ardy! I’ll help you out, and so will Maty, even if he doesn’t want to._

_Kefka?_

_Golb? What are you doing here? Get out, you jackass! Ardy, why is he here? Throw him out, he is not invited! Say something to him Maty, you damn vegetable!_

_Mateus…Oh Ardyn, what have you done?_

_Shut up, Golbez. You were going to use him to do the same thing anyway. It wasn’t me who lied to him, you beat me to it. Whoops, did I say too much? Silly me. Bad Kefka! Bad Kekfa!_

“Enough!” Ardyn pushed Golbez out of his mind. His head pulsated and ached as if it was about to rip in half.

Golbez laid on his back, still and silent like a fresh corpse. The creaking of his dark armor preceded his movements.

He got up without gasping or wincing, as if he had merely tripped.

“So, this is the fate you encountered.” Golbez said. “What a pity.”

“Save your good sentiment for someone else.”

“I was talking to Kefka, not you.” Golbez laughed. “Though I don’t envy your fate either. I hope you don’t regret what you have done.”

“Instead of worrying about me.” Power flowed within Ardyn without constraints. Drunk on this sensation, he prepared to cast a spell more powerful than the last one. “You should be worrying about yourself. But I am a merciful man; if you start explaining yourself right now, I may find it in me to spare you…for now.”

“You believe Kefka’s words so blindly already?” Golbez asked with concern.

“I believe neither of you. Not your patronizing lies or the clown’s disingenuous remarks. The only thing I know is that you didn’t save me just so I could become the third member of your traveling company of freaks.”

_That hurt, Ardy. And I’m not the clown! If you say it one more time, I swear…_

“You’re right. That wasn’t the reason.” Agreed Golbez. His indifference fed Ardyns desire to cast him into oblivion. “But I never lied to you. I know that lying to the likes of you is pointless. I wouldn’t waste my time on such nonsense.”

_To the likes of you… Oh Golb, never change._

“And yet you did lie to me once, when you promised to give me answer and you gave me only butchered information.” Remarked Ardyn mockingly. “Your words and your acts are as coherent as the clown’s behavior. No wonder you two got along so well.”

_AHHHHH!_

“Keeping information and lying are not the same thing, Ardyn.”

_Oh no, shut him up before he starts with the philosophy lesson. You’ll never hear the end of it. Trust me, I know._

Ardyn silenced Kefka instead, if only to spite him.

“I wasn’t going to use you, Ardyn. It was never my intention to deceive you.” Golbez said, and his tone made Ardyn wonder if he was reading his and Kefka’s thoughts. “I was going to ask for your help.”

“My help?” Ardyn was incredulous. “Are you truly so naïve that you thought I would ever help you if you just asked? Didn’t your rude eavesdropping of my life teach you anything? Honestly Golbez, it would have been smarter of you if you had lied to me. You wouldn’t have succeeded, but at least you wouldn’t have ended up looking like a complete idiot.”

_I told him almost the same thing. But does someone ever listen to Kefka?Nah._

“I admit I’m just an old fool.” Said Golbez without shame. “I knew you wouldn’t help me out of the kindness of your heart. Yet, I wanted to believe it was possible. That maybe there still was…No, you’re right. I should have known better.”

Ardyn made no response.

He would get rid of Golbez. He feared he would become insane if he continued to hear his voice.

Just as Ardyn decided to cast the spell, his magic and power faded. His arm returned to his limp state.

Ardyn clenched his teeth as the clown mocked him.

 _And that’s what you get for calling me a clown. Are you angry, Ardy? Don’t be, its just a joke! You know what else is a joke? Leaving you here with Golb. I_ ’ _ll got take a nap now. See you soon! Come Maty, I’m not evil enough to leave you here with the sponge and the tin can._

Alone with his own magic, Ardyn lost all desire to start a fight he knew he couldn’t win. Golbez, to his surprise, seemed to share the feeling.

Had he even noticed Ardyn had tried to destroy him? And that, if it hadn’t been for Kefka, he would have succeeded?

If Golbez hadn’t, he was lucky; but if he had, then he wasn’t the fool he claimed to be.

“I’ll tell you everything.” Said Golbez after what felt like an eternity. “Now that all hope of camaraderie is lost, I see no point in trying to force it. Besides, I don’t think you’ll need any distraction to keep your mind busy now that Kefka lingers within you. If anything, you’ll need distracting from him, but I don’t think such feat is possible.”

“Stop digressing. I’ll deal with that fool when the time comes. For now, just say what you must.”

“Somewhere here in the Void, lies a crystal.” Golbez said wearily. He continued in spite of Ardyns uneasiness.“If we can find it, maybe we could leave this place. However, the crystal lies well protected. I know my strength alone is not enough, but if all of us trapped in this place joined forces, then maybe we could have a chance. But the others are corrupted, driven mad by the stealing of their peace, the never-ending cycle of fighting and the torture of their dispersions. They cannot possibly help us as they are, but if they were cured...”

Ardyn felt doubts accumulating inside him, wishing to be voiced at the same time.

“So I heal them, and then you recruit them to your cause.” Ardyn said in hushed voice.

“Yes.”

“And what? You thought they would just go along with it? You expect too much selflessness from others, Golbez. A childish perspective fitting for a fool.”

“I know my hopes are unfounded, ridiculous if you wish, but without them, I might as well disperse into nothingness for all eternity. I can’t, I won’t. I have to try; even if I’m committing myself to a fool’s errand, I have to try.”

“How cute. Sadly for you, I find your hopefulness more disheartening than inspiring.”

“I assume you know a better alternative then.” Replied Golbez. “Share your wisdom with me Ardyn, so I can have your confidence.”

Later, Ardyn would come with a wide range of answers that would have left Golbez without words.

But at that moment, his mind gave him no answer other than silence.

“And have you ever seen this crystal in the first place?” Asked Ardyn, folding his arms.

“No.”

Of course.

It was a good thing Ardyn hadn’t gotten his hopes up. He admitted Golbez and his delusions had a certain charm to them; how unfortunate they were empty.

“Then how…”

“Because someone told me.” Golbez looked at Ardyn. “Someone I believe we can trust. Someone you knew in life.”

Ardyn scowled, unsure if it was another trick in disguise.

“I see.” He said with pretended conviction. “And does this stranger have a name? If he is real in the first place, that is.”

“He is, perhaps more than you and me.” Golbez voice went hoarser. He dragged the words as if they were buried deep inside his mind. “He is a strange fellow, but good at heart. A free spirit that couldn’t be chained, not even by this place.  His name is Gilgamesh, the man your people knew as the first Shield of the King.”

_Gilgamesh! What a guy. Do you really know him, Ardy? My, what a small compilation of universes this is. Don’t you think so, Ardy? Don’t you?_

Ardyn guarded his answer from Kefka and kept it from Golbez.

He felt oddly torn between nostalgia and despair.

His past felt no more away than the last breath he had taken.

 It haunted him that was something not even the Void could change.


End file.
